Think before you speak
Musings August 24th, 2009 by Shai Perednik
The below is from an email I recieved. Really funny stuff:
Think before you speak…
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak – the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back…
Here are the testimonials of a few people who did….
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
three kids in tow and asked loudly,
“How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?”
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn’t say a word…he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, “I think I like playing with men’s balls.”
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, “No, I’m just looking at your nuts.”
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
som
e pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving “right now” she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
“If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!” The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
Why Small Business Owners Need a Mac
My Clippings August 19th, 2009 by System
Automatically pulled from My Clippings on NewsGator Online
Small business owners have it hard, especially in the current world economic climate. They have lots to do, not enough resources, staff, and time to get it done. For many small business owners, computers are only one more thing to worry about. It doesn’t have to be that way.
For the past few months, I’ve been in the process of moving from one side of the country to the other. Now that my family and I are settling into our new location, I thought I would share some stories of small business owner encounters I’ve had during my travels. From the end of April to the middle of July, I crossed the country twice by car, and three times flying. Each time, I was reminded of why a Mac is a great small business machine.
iPhones Everywhere, Not a Mac in Sight
During my travels, I met people from all over. Being a tech guy, I would immediately ask questions about what they did for a living, what types of tools they used, the problems their business faced, etc. Of course, for me, the most fascinating part was the software and hardware they used.
Generally, I would hear that they used Microsoft Outlook to manage their email and contacts, Microsoft Word or Publisher to manage their documents, and Microsoft Excel for spreadsheets. Basically, the standard issue PC purchase and Microsoft tools. Some were a little more advanced and used QuickBooks Pro or Adobe graphics tools.
The funny thing is that of the half-dozen or so folks I met, all of them (and yes, I mean all of them) had an iPhone to manage their information on-the-go. They would explain how they loved the user experience, the apps available (not to manage their business, just fun apps) and the cool factor.
Elevator Pitch
Of course, I would then ask why they didn’t use a Mac instead of their current PC. Most of the replies blamed a lack of initiative, the cost of switching, or a fear of change. The cost issue tended to be the less significant of the three. The biggest was the fear of change. Would their documents work? Would they have to change how they completed their daily tasks? What would they do without Outlook (other than have hours of their lives back instead of waiting for that molasses app to run)?
Tags: Apple, email, Funny, Information, IO, Mac, Microsoft, php, way, WordPress, XP
Geek Squad Certification Test Is Absolutely Stupid [Geek Squad]
My Clippings August 12th, 2009 by System
Automatically pulled from My Clippings on NewsGator Online
If you thought that Geek Squad employees were kind of dumb, well, you may be right. At least, that’s the impression I get by looking at the absolutely stupid multiple-choice answers in their CompTIA A+ preparation test:
According to our anonymous tipster:
I collected some pictures from a GS Test new Agents take while they are in the process of becoming CompTIA A+ Certified [a industry standard certification for computer support technicians]. The pictures show some funny questions with even funnier answer choices.
Well, yes, they are funny. The wrong kind of funny, completely unchallenging, and plain down dumb. What’s the purpose of a test that doesn’t test anything? Oh wait, never mind.
Tags: blockquote, Funny, IO
How to Create Your First iPhone Application
My Clippings August 11th, 2009 by System
Automatically pulled from My Clippings on NewsGator Online
  
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What if you had a nickle for every time you heard: "I have the perfect idea for a great application!"? It’s the buzz on the street. The iPhone has created unprecedented excitement and innovation from people both inside and outside the software development community. Still for those outside the development world, the process is a bit of a mystery.
This how-to guide is supposed to walk you through the steps to make your idea for an iPhone app a reality. This post presents various ideas, techniques, tips, and resources that may come in handy if you are planning on creating your first iPhone application.
We also discuss UI design and marketing techniques in our upcoming Smashing Book ($23.90 $29.90, available worldwide). Pre-order now and save 20% off the price!
1. Have an idea – a Good Idea
How do you know if your idea is a good one? The first step is to even care if your idea is solid; and the second step is to answer the question does it have at least one of the indicators of success?
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Does your app solve a unique problem? Before the light bulb was invented, somebody had to shout out “Man, reading by candlelight sucks!” Figure out what sucks, and how your app can make the life of its user more comfortable. |
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Does the app serve a specific niche? Though there aren’t any stats on the App Store search, the usage of applications is certainly growing with the explosion of App Store inventory. Find a niche with ardent fans (pet lovers, for example) and create an app that caters to a specific audience. |
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Does it make people laugh? This is a no-brainer. If you can come up with something funny, you are definitely on the right track and your idea may be the golden one. Heck, I hit a red “do not press” button for 5 minutes yesterday. |
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Are you building a better wheel? Are there existing successful apps that lack significant feature enhancements? Don’t be satisfied with just a wine list, give sommeliers a way to talk to their fans! |
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Will the app be highly interactive? Let’s face it, most of us have the attention span of a flea. Successful games and utilities engage the user by requiring action! |
Tags: Apple, Build, Funny, Google, Guideline, Information, IO, Mac, mailto, Photo, php, video, way, XP
Get Creative With Your Domain Name
My Clippings July 26th, 2009 by System
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Choosing a domain name for a new client is a difficult task. Domain names are the crux of a website’s existence. A bad name can create a negative impact on branding and the ability to strengthen the domain value. A good domain name is essentially priceless (tacky but true) in name, branding, ease of understanding, and catchiness.
This article piggybacks on another Smashing article but it stops short of domain extensions. Here, we are going to discuss generic Top Level Domains (gTLDs), country top level domains (ccTLDs), new and exciting domain extensions for 2009, domain hacks, and internationalized domains.
Learning this will make you even more of an awesome designer or developer for clients. You need to think of a variety of domains and possibilities for new sites, as well as uniquely branding corporate websites with domain extensions. Domain names are not a lackluster industry, it is a hidden industry that is vital to the success and maintenance of the Internet.
You may be interested in the following related posts:
- The Effective Strategy For Choosing Right Domain Names
- How To Improve Your Branding With Your Content
- Domain Names: Tools, Articles and Resources
1. Boring Stuff First: Short Background Information
The birth of Domains
In 1983 the Domain Name System (DNS) was invented so people did not have to remember a long string of funny numbers. DNS inherits its structure from an even older systems but it was with the birth of the DNS that we are able to type in letters instead of numbers.
When domain names become fashionable, domains owners needed to control the rights of their domain names, and an administrative authority was necessary. Fifteen years later ICANN saw the day of light and its governing purpose is to coordinate all the unique domain names on the web today.
Current use of domain extensions
Today there are a few groups of domain extensions: gTLDs, ccTLDs, and the personal domains. The most well-known generic Top-Level Domain (gTLD) is the .com, an international extension for everyone from large corporations to small personal websites. Being the most popular extension in the world, it is increasingly difficult to find a .com domain name. It has led to new and creative ways of setting up domain names. The .com will always be in demand but it is not as sought after than in the earlier years.
Related posts:Audacity 1.3.8 Beta: Open source audio editor now faster than ever
My Clippings July 20th, 2009 by System
Automatically pulled from My Clippings on NewsGator Online
Filed under: Audio, Windows, Macintosh, Linux, Open Source, Beta
I really wish the folks behind open source, cross-platform audio editing utility Audacity would take the beta label off the Audacity 1.3 branch. It’s so much better than the last stable release, Audacity 1.2.6 it’s not even funny. But it’s still considered beta software because it’s still under construction and doesn’t come with complete documentation or translation into languages besides English.
This week the team released Audacity 1.3.8 beta. Some of the new features include faster equalization and noise removal tools. There’s also a new “mixer board” view with per-track volume meters. And mute, solo, gain, and track height information is now saved when you save a project. You can find more changes in the release notes.
Audacity 1.3.8 Beta: Open source audio editor now faster than ever originally appeared on Download Squad on Mon, 20 Jul 2009 17:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.
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Probably the Smallest Cubicle In the World [Office Pranks]
My Clippings June 22nd, 2009 by System
Automatically pulled from My Clippings on NewsGator Online
The caption says: “Our intern starts today. We figured we’d start her off with a little prank.” I don’t see how this is funny. It looks like our interns’ cubicles. [Flickr—Thanks Alice]
How Auto-Tune Should Be Used!
Uncategorized June 19th, 2009 by Shai Perednik
This is just too funny! Great use of Auto-Tune
via Veronica Belmont
via Cali Lewis » Blog Archive » This is How Auto-Tune Should Be Used!.
Related posts:Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody
Uncategorized May 26th, 2009 by Shai Perednik
This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done
VIA AutoPatcher
Related posts:Tags: Funny
