The below is from an email I recieved. Really funny stuff:

Think before you speak…
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak – the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back…
Here are the testimonials of a few people who did….

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
three kids in tow and asked loudly,
“How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?”
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn’t say a word…he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, “I think I like playing with men’s balls.”

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, “No, I’m just looking at your nuts.”
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
som
e pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving “right now” she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
“If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!” The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

Tags: Funny, Speach